I just tried to stop breathing. It hurts.
Many times as I lay in bed at night I see a visual for a split of a second. It is so far away that I forget I even had it while I’m having it. I see a knife going through the middle of my body, from top to bottom, right between my breasts. I always think of it when I have so many thoughts in my head at night that I cannot sleep. Its like I’d like to cut my chest and take those thoughts/feelings out. I’m not dead when that happens. Its as if those thoughts are so easy to detach, all I need to do is cut myself open and take them out..
I am no longer hurt by what I perceive as the selfishness or inconsiderateness of those around me. If anything, I aspire to someday reach that level of nonchalantness.
Nothing feels like anything anymore.
This is my decision. None of you are responsible.
Suicide notes in my head.