Influx and Reflex: Shut out or let the wave in?
Im suddenly overwhelmed by the influx of new people into my life. I’m too scared of all the hassle opening up to people is bound to bring. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint, I’m too scared of new scars. Many times I wonder if I am even still capable of interacting at all. Some things - like general niceties - come naturally, automatically even. They’re not necessarily fake, I just blurt out how I feel most of the time and it comes out like that. But it does not mean its easier. I cover it as much as I can, but deep down I’m really just terrified. I’ve had too many failed experiences to deal with as it is. Actually, none of my previous interactions have ever developed into anything fruitful, continuous, or close to successful. A huge blanket of failure wraps up my whole experience with humans so far.